Monday, August 22, 2005

Top 12 bike lane solutions

With all the controversy over the West Mountain bike lane, Don Coyote has come up with his own Top 12 solutions.

12) Have Saratoga Springs abortion protesters carry graphic signs on one side of the road to divert attention away from cyclists riding on the other side.

11) Recycle lawn signs from Queensbury political races to create a thick safety barrier between road and bike lane.

10) Take entire West Mountain Road by eminent domain and relocate the downtown Glens Falls Burger King there.

9) Have residents line West Mountain Road with paintball guns to fire at motorists who exceed speed limit.

8) Create alternative recreational bike lane over West Mountain using Fuller Road.

7) Put up flashing "Moose Crossing" signs along the roadway to slow traffic like they do in Maine.

6) Encourage cyclists and joggers to use the Northway, where at least police enforce the speed limit.

5) Relocate houses directly alongside West Mountain Road and have bike path go behind them.

4) Expand Queensbury school campus to West Mountain Road, declare entire stretch a school zone, and reduce speed limit to 15 mph.

3) Force Great Escape to build a pedestrian-bike bridge the entire length of West Mountain Road, hooking into the amusement park from Gurney Lane.

2) Have the town of Queensbury spend $16 million to enclose the bike lane with walls and pass it off to voters as a "recreation facility." Plant flowers and install large rock at entry points.

1) Everyone just stay home. It's safer.