Monday, August 29, 2005

Grumblings on a Monday

Is it bad that I am looking forward to the rain from Hurricane Katrina?

My lawn is still so brown, you'd think it was the Gulf of Mexico around all the oil platforms that have been shut down.

I do feel for all the people in Louisiana, but building a city below sea level is just asking for trouble.

Kind of like running for mayor of Glens Falls or going up against the Fort Edward town supervisor.

Who are all these people on the lawn signs, and how come none of them have done anything for me except ask me to put their sign in my yard?

Though I am glad that my tax money isn't going toward fixing a Tiffany window in a casino. Maybe they can get a donation from NYRA and the racino for that.

Friday, August 26, 2005

A top 11 for Fort Edward

The Environmental Protection Agency has issued plans for the first phase of dredging the Hudson, plans that Fort Edward officials fear will negatively affect their economic future. But Don Coyote thinks the EPA and Fort Edward politicians overlooked some obvious ways to make PCB removal help the economy.

11 -- Add lights and music to promote dredging barges as 24-hour-a-day party boats.

10 -- Invite cast of the New Gilligan's Island to film a segment on Rogers Island.

9 -- Recreate Battle of Saratoga on piles of sludge.

8 -- Market "Fort Edward PCB Clam Dredging Toy" in time for Christmas.

7 -- Invite people to de-water their own soil.

6 -- GE's new slogan: "We bring bad things to the surface."

5 -- Sell PCB-BLTs in local sandwich shops.

4 -- Say bones dredged from river belong to Jane McCrea.

3 -- Three-headed-cow petting zoo at Pulver Farm.

2 -- Change name on signs from "Fort Edward" to "Fort Not Polluted"

1 -- Holiday Sludge Train.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Get it out, knock it over, and give it up

Does anyone truly believe Fort Edward -- and the entire region -- won't be better off after they remove PCBs from the Hudson River? Seriously, use your heads folks.
The PCBs in the river are what's preventing the area's economic rebirth -- not the prospect of cleaning them up.
This project is going to be great for the whole region in the long-run. Be patient. And in the short-term, just think of all the revenue Fort Edward's going to get from the jump in 7 a.m. beer sales when the dredging workers show up.

How long before a driver runs over one of the new signs in the crosswalk in Glens Falls? I give it until about 3 a.m. Saturday morning.

So the city of Saratoga Springs takes drastic action to get rid of Erin Dreyer and make the whole nasty situation go away. And what does the police chief do? He dredges (pardon the pun) the whole mess up again with a lawsuit. Dreyer's gone. After Election Day, Curley will be gone.
Let it go already!

Give the Warren and Washington county Republican committees credit for having the nerve to buck the state party bosses by supporting ex-Nixon son-in-law Ed Cox over CNN golden girl Jeanine Pirro. But I don't think our local guys are going to get punished for not falling into lockstep. That's because it doesn't really matter who the Republicans pick to run for Senate. Hillary's going to kill whoever they put up against her. And everyone -- including the party bosses -- know it.

Thank goodness for loud mufflers and broken tail lights. Imagine how many criminals would be out on the streets without them.

And finally, the New York Mets have scored 32 runs in their last two games. At the same time, Mars is quickly approaching Earth for its closest pass in decades. Coincidence?

Monday, August 22, 2005

Top 12 bike lane solutions

With all the controversy over the West Mountain bike lane, Don Coyote has come up with his own Top 12 solutions.

12) Have Saratoga Springs abortion protesters carry graphic signs on one side of the road to divert attention away from cyclists riding on the other side.

11) Recycle lawn signs from Queensbury political races to create a thick safety barrier between road and bike lane.

10) Take entire West Mountain Road by eminent domain and relocate the downtown Glens Falls Burger King there.

9) Have residents line West Mountain Road with paintball guns to fire at motorists who exceed speed limit.

8) Create alternative recreational bike lane over West Mountain using Fuller Road.

7) Put up flashing "Moose Crossing" signs along the roadway to slow traffic like they do in Maine.

6) Encourage cyclists and joggers to use the Northway, where at least police enforce the speed limit.

5) Relocate houses directly alongside West Mountain Road and have bike path go behind them.

4) Expand Queensbury school campus to West Mountain Road, declare entire stretch a school zone, and reduce speed limit to 15 mph.

3) Force Great Escape to build a pedestrian-bike bridge the entire length of West Mountain Road, hooking into the amusement park from Gurney Lane.

2) Have the town of Queensbury spend $16 million to enclose the bike lane with walls and pass it off to voters as a "recreation facility." Plant flowers and install large rock at entry points.

1) Everyone just stay home. It's safer.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

And finally ... We'll miss Dave

And finally, Assistant City Editor Dave Blow is leaving us this week to take a teaching job. We're gonna miss him. No one does a better Homer Simpson impression than Dave. DOH!!

But I have first dibs on his desk.

Some change is good, some isn't

So they're trying to change my favorite place in the whole world to make it more "classy?" What's not classy about the village of Lake George now? I mean, where else can you play mini-golf at 10 o'clock at night, get drunk at a genuine imitation Hawaiian luau, shake hands with Frankenstein, buy five T-shirts for $10, get a tattoo, and ride a gawdy paddleboat on the same lake that they fought the French & Indian War? And they think they need to make Lake George more classy? C'mon. It's perfect.

Saw the New York Racing Association has a new detention facility at Saratoga where they put horses before races to make sure no one's giving them performance-enhancing drugs. Maybe they should have one of those detention facilities for major league baseball players.

I see that guy called off his challenge to Bud Taylor's petition. Score one for democracy.

Speaking of the election, I hear the local Green Party has its nose out of joint over the fact that we're hosting a debate for the Conservative and Republican primaries for Glens Falls mayor. Well, we'd host a debate for the Green Party primaries, except they can never get two people who want to run.

Here I am

I just got my fur cleaned.

See what a handsome devil I am?

GE and EPA are still arguing over who will pay for it, unfortunately.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Top 11 job prospects for Governor Pataki

Governor Pataki last week announced that he would leave office when his term expires at the end of next year. Among the potential job prospects is president of the United States. But if that doesn't pan out, he has several occupations to fall back on:

11 -- President Bush's new director of tax policy.
10 -- Joins former Lt. Gov. Betsy McCaughey Ross as substitute co-hosts of "Regis and Kelly."
9 -- Water tester at the Washington County Fair.
8 -- Abraham Lincoln at Disney World's "Hall of Presidents."
7 -- Official "I LOVE NY" T-shirt vendor at 2012 Summer Olympics in London.
6 -- Bus driver for Rudy Giuliani's "Mayor of America" presidential tour.
5 -- Guest instructor at Mario Cuomo's School of Effective Public Speaking.
4 -- John Sweeney's opponent in celebrity boxing tournament.
3 -- Sacrificial Republican candidate against Hillary Clinton, hoping to be rewarded with a state judgeship.
2 -- Host of new reality TV show, "Three Men in a Room."
1 -- Frankenpine.