Friday, July 22, 2005

More APA rules

In light of the Adirondack Park Agency's proposed new regulations limiting campers from spending more than 90 days on one site, here is Don Coyote's Top 11 list of other proposed APA regulations.
11 -- Buildings constructed after 2007 may only be built of bark, twigs, rocks and discarded beer cans.

10 -- After 2005, phone service will be limited to tin cans tied together by a string.

9 -- Any structure above 50 feet tall must be made of glass so as not to obstruct views.

8 -- All public buildings must display photo of Eliot Spitzer smiling and holding an ax over a model of Midwest coal-burning factory.

7 -- Black bears may only be fed garbage, bars of Ivory soap and large containers of ice cream. No children.

6 -- Snowmobiles may operate in Forest Preserve areas only between months of April and September.

5 -- Handicapped fishermen may only access lakes and ponds on sleighs pulled by eight tiny reindeer.

4 -- Windmills and cell towers must be vaguely disguised as hideously out-of-place, disproportionately-sized natural Adirondack features such as pine trees and tall, skinny boulders.

3 -- Beards, orange knit caps and "snake sticks" required for men in all public areas. Same goes for women.

2 -- New hunting season for environmentalists who regularly use the word, "Frankenpine."

1 -- Starting in 2006, NO PEOPLE.